Pink Flames Are Burning!

A quick update, as some of you have emailed to inquire. Thus far, with your help, I have raised $815 for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure!! I'm almost at the 1/2 way point, with still 6 months to go before the walk. I'm thrilled!!!

As another way to help us achieve our goal, we've created some fun "Think Hope" items, on Cafe Press.
Check it out here!

What Would You Do?

I've been a bit amiss as of late. So many things on my mind.....

I went for my semi-annual mammogram on February 18th. I went in with the understanding that I was going to have an aspiration of the "mischeivous" cells the doctors have been watching very closely for the last 3 years. Much to my surprise, they decided NOT to aspirate. I should be happy about this, right?

But, in fact, I'm not. You see, as I've shared, my mother is a breast cancer survivor. Because of our family history (it extends beyond my mother) I had to go in for a baseline mammogram when I was 30 years old. Two days later, I got the call, that I needed to go in for Stereotactic Biopsy. I had a grouping of mischeivious cells they wanted to check out. At the time, they put in a metal clip, to "mark the spot" that they need to watch. Since then, I have gone for mammograms religiously. The last 3 years, I've gone every 6 months. I now have 7 different "groupings" in my breasts that are being watched.

I went into my mammogram, ready for the aspiration, and ready to just go on to the next step, whatever it is. If you have a similar history, you know how stressful this is, going for these mammograms every 6 months, never knowing if this is going to be the day you get that dreaded diagnosis. I can't sleep for 2 weeks leading up to my mammograms. The horrific thoughts that go through my head. Only to go in and the doctor tells me, "come back in 6 months". I walked out pissed this time. Why? Because I feel like I'm being held prisoner. I feel like the fear of hearing "You have Cancer" is starting to rule me. I can't take the psychological torture every 6 months.

After an hour drive back home, I sit hubby down, and tell him that I'm going to start the process of getting approval for genetic testing. To see if I have the marker for breast cancer. If I do, I'm ready to have my breasts removed. I'm almost 40 years old, I'm tired of carrying these things around, and I'm done having babies, so I don't need them anymore. Poor hubby was horrified, stating "that's rather drastic, don't you think". The fact is, NO, I don't think. What do I need them for now? They are not what makes me a woman (as I know for many women, they do)! They are nothing but a nuisance at this point, ruling my life. I'm mad, and I'm tired of the ride.

My question is....What Would You Do?

Getting In Gear

While the weather has not been very cooperative with my training efforts (snowing once a week, with another 20inches due this weekend), fundraising is well underway. I'm happy to say, with the support of my BB Knits customers, I have raised $100, towards my $2,300 goal.

We introduced 2 new colorways at BB Knits last weekend, Pink Pearl and Boobilicious! Pink Pearl is blend of 2 different pinks, at various degrees of shading, and Boobi-licious is a self striping sock yarn, in 3 different shades of pink. Boobi-licious, specifically, has been very well received. I hope you ladies wear these socks boldly, to remind your mothers, your sisters, your daughter, to get their boobies checked!

We've got some other fun fundraisers in the works too, including a Pretty in Pink cocktail party (this summer) and a Passionately Pink Pajama Party, which will be held in the fall. Although it's sad that so many women have been touched by breast cancer, it's great to see so many come together, passionately committed to find a cure!

I Hope You Dance

As I did my first 4 mile this walk this morning, on this, my first day of training, the wind cut through me like a knife, yet, somehow left me feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever comes my way. Everything is still covered in snow, so clean, and pure. So fitting for the beginning of a new year, that is already slated to bring such change, and hope, to my family.

As I walk, I think of my mother, who is a 14 year breast cancer survivor. In 1996, when she was diagnosed, she was pissed off at the world. My mother-in-law, who we lost last May, after a close to 30 year battle with cancer (which started in her breasts), was noted to an "angry" woman as well. She never talked about here cancer. It was if she thought if she didn't talk about it, it wasn't there. As I've read, this seems to be a fairly common response to a new diagnosis. I understand.

Fourteen years later, my mother is cancer free, and has been for 12 years. Yet, she still behaves like she's pissed at the world. This saddens me. I so wish I could talk her into participating in an event like the 3-Day, as I really do think it would be life changing for her.

I look at other women that I know, who are breast cancer survivors, and have such wonderfully positive attitudes. They embrace life and live each and every moment like it's the last (meaning, they don't take one moment for granted), and they do it through smiles that could light up our entire country. I have personally been touched by so many of these women through my volunteer work with the American Cancer Society. I look at these women with such awe and admiration, and only hope that should I ever face the demon these women have faced, that I could be just 1/2 of the women that they are.

I walk for you Mom! In the hopes, that one day, you will let go of whatever it is that you are so mad at, and that you will instead, see that God has blessed you at another chance in life. You have been given the opportunity to enjoy every moment, like it's your last. You have been given the opportunity to educate other women on how important it is to be screened, and more importantly, to know you body well enough to "know" when something's wrong, even when the doctors want to minimize it.

When I got married, you gave me a CD with the song "I Hope You Dance" on it.....it's your turn to dance mother. Until you are ready to do so, I will dance for you, and for all of you women out there who have battled cancer, I dance for you too!

And So It Begins....

I've wanted to do the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for several years now. Until this year, it just wasn't possible, as the boys were too young and way too demanding. In 2010, as I ready to turn 40, and face my next mammogram (next month), which will be a "diagnostic mammogram and an aspiration", I've decided, this is the year!

I look forward to the journey ahead of me, on so many levels. There is of course, the physical journey, and building my endurance to walking 60 miles in 3 days. The psychological journey, of making myself train even when I don't really feel like it.... Of facing all of those women out there that are fighting cancer, and still have the energy or wear-with-all to train for this event. And I look forward to the opportunity to put my legs where my mouth is, when I tell my kids that anything is possible, if they set their mind to it, and face it with an open heart and open mind.

I look forward to facing my mammogram next month, ready to wage the war, if one needs to be waged, with the power of my sisterhood.

I hope you'll walk (read) with me....as we get one step closer to the cure!