With the 3-Day just 10 weeks away, I'm starting to get a little anxious. Training is coming along nicely, and I can walk 15 miles with ease. If weather permits, I'm hopeful to try 20 miles this weekend. Went I signed up to participate in this walk back in the fall, I thought the miles were going to be my challenge, since I've got bad knees. Seems I might have missed something....
I've been in a desperate search to find a team to join. I had hoped to put one together from here, but most of my friends are not in a position to commit to a 3 day, 60 mile event. Seemed like no big deal.....there are many (and I do mean many) other teams participating. So I started sending out emails, looking for teams. Over the last 6 months, I have joined 2 different teams. Each of them dissolved within a month or 2 of my joining. At a different point of my life, I might have taken this personal. Not so much now. I suspect it's an issue with fundraising. It's not quite as easy to raise the funds this year, as it has been in the past. We're all broke, or stashing our monies in our pillow cases so that when the government moves forward to dry to bleed us dry, we've got some reserve.
I also wonder if I'm not getting a message from above. Is the Divine trying to tell me that this is a journey I need to go alone? I do my best thinking when I'm doing my training walks, and the last 2 training walks have offered life changing epiphanies.
With 10 weeks left, there is still time to find a team, but I think I won't work quite so hard at it. I'll continue on my journey and let Him show me the way.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Friday, July 2, 2010
NO Mutations Discovered!!
What great news! Just two weeks after sending my bloodwork off, I get a call to let me know that no mutations were discovered during the BRCA 1 & 2 screening. It was a bit surreal, really. I had so prepared myself to get the worst, had already developed my plan of action following the testing, and was ready to go full speed ahead. After getting off the phone with my doctor, I felt like someone just put the gate down....stopped me in my tracks. While I didn't realize I was feeling much of anything while waiting for the results, after hearing the results, I had a complete emotional let down. Crying, shaking, the whole gammut.
While this leaves me still, in the wait and see mode, and off to get another mammogram this month, I feel good. I feel like I took charge, did what I needed (could) to do to be ahead of the game, and can now rest at ease (a bit) knowing that my odds of getting breast cancer are pretty much the same as everyone else's.
While this leaves me still, in the wait and see mode, and off to get another mammogram this month, I feel good. I feel like I took charge, did what I needed (could) to do to be ahead of the game, and can now rest at ease (a bit) knowing that my odds of getting breast cancer are pretty much the same as everyone else's.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Facing Fear Head On
I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since I posted anything here. It's not to say, there hasn't been a lot going on.
After my last mammogram this past winter, when I was told, yet again, to come back in 6 months to have the 7 "suspicious spots" in my breasts checked, I decided I couldn't play sitting duck anymore. For 3 years, I have been going for mammograms every 6 months for them to monitor the calcifications in my breasts that were initially spotted 10 years ago, when I went for my base line. Every 6 months, when it's getting time to go for my mammo, I go for a psychological trip that has proven to be torturous, and it takes its toll on my family. I'm always fearful that the day is coming that they tell me "You have breast cancer." Over the last few years, there has been much talk about genetic markers for breast cancer, and I decided it was time to investigate.
BRCA 1 & 2 are breast cancer susceptibility genes. If you have one of these genes, the risk of your developing breast or ovarian cancer increases exponentially. According to the National Cancer Institute web site, if you DO NOT have either one of these genes, your risk of getting breast cancer in your lifetime is about 12%. If you have one of these genes, your risk goes up to 60%, and that you will likely develop it before the age of 50. Not odds I'm willing to dance with any more.
Indicators that you may have one of these genes include a family history of breast cancer diagnosis before the age of 50. My mother was diagnosed at 42. I've been "on watch" since the age of 30. I also have a grandmother who died in her 30's, with advanced breast cancer, my other grandmother died of colon cancer, but also had breast cancer, and aunt who had ovarian cancer. Needless to say, I'm a candidate for this gene mutation. So, what to do with this information?
After much debate with my husband and mother, neither of which agree with my decision, I decided to be tested for the BRCA 1 & 2. If a marker is identified, I intend to have a bilateral mastectomy. Having the mastectomy decreases my odds of getting breast cancer by 96%. Seems like a no brainer to me. I am done having children, and really don't need them anymore, and since they prove to be such a nuisance every 6 months, why not? There are a few things that I am concerned about, like insurance back lash in the future. While, currently, the testing and results are protected under the HIPPA privacy act, it's not to say this will always be the case, especially with the turn our government has taken in health care. However, after weighing out the risks, hands down, it was still the answer for me. I have 2 little ones that I need to be around for, and I'd rather be proactive in dealing with the potential of breast cancer, than to sit and wait for it to "get me". The genetic information resulting from this test will also be important to my children, who will later have children of their own. If I carry this gene, they may too. Since they are boys, the risk of breast cancer to them in minimal. However, if they have children, and happen to have little girls, it's an entirely different ball game. Better to know!
On Wednesday of this week, I had my blood drawn for the testing, and it was over nighted to Myriad (the company that does the testing). I am told I should have results by the end of the month, so, we wait......
After my last mammogram this past winter, when I was told, yet again, to come back in 6 months to have the 7 "suspicious spots" in my breasts checked, I decided I couldn't play sitting duck anymore. For 3 years, I have been going for mammograms every 6 months for them to monitor the calcifications in my breasts that were initially spotted 10 years ago, when I went for my base line. Every 6 months, when it's getting time to go for my mammo, I go for a psychological trip that has proven to be torturous, and it takes its toll on my family. I'm always fearful that the day is coming that they tell me "You have breast cancer." Over the last few years, there has been much talk about genetic markers for breast cancer, and I decided it was time to investigate.
BRCA 1 & 2 are breast cancer susceptibility genes. If you have one of these genes, the risk of your developing breast or ovarian cancer increases exponentially. According to the National Cancer Institute web site, if you DO NOT have either one of these genes, your risk of getting breast cancer in your lifetime is about 12%. If you have one of these genes, your risk goes up to 60%, and that you will likely develop it before the age of 50. Not odds I'm willing to dance with any more.
Indicators that you may have one of these genes include a family history of breast cancer diagnosis before the age of 50. My mother was diagnosed at 42. I've been "on watch" since the age of 30. I also have a grandmother who died in her 30's, with advanced breast cancer, my other grandmother died of colon cancer, but also had breast cancer, and aunt who had ovarian cancer. Needless to say, I'm a candidate for this gene mutation. So, what to do with this information?
After much debate with my husband and mother, neither of which agree with my decision, I decided to be tested for the BRCA 1 & 2. If a marker is identified, I intend to have a bilateral mastectomy. Having the mastectomy decreases my odds of getting breast cancer by 96%. Seems like a no brainer to me. I am done having children, and really don't need them anymore, and since they prove to be such a nuisance every 6 months, why not? There are a few things that I am concerned about, like insurance back lash in the future. While, currently, the testing and results are protected under the HIPPA privacy act, it's not to say this will always be the case, especially with the turn our government has taken in health care. However, after weighing out the risks, hands down, it was still the answer for me. I have 2 little ones that I need to be around for, and I'd rather be proactive in dealing with the potential of breast cancer, than to sit and wait for it to "get me". The genetic information resulting from this test will also be important to my children, who will later have children of their own. If I carry this gene, they may too. Since they are boys, the risk of breast cancer to them in minimal. However, if they have children, and happen to have little girls, it's an entirely different ball game. Better to know!
On Wednesday of this week, I had my blood drawn for the testing, and it was over nighted to Myriad (the company that does the testing). I am told I should have results by the end of the month, so, we wait......
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Pink Flames Are Burning!
A quick update, as some of you have emailed to inquire. Thus far, with your help, I have raised $815 for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day For The Cure!! I'm almost at the 1/2 way point, with still 6 months to go before the walk. I'm thrilled!!!
As another way to help us achieve our goal, we've created some fun "Think Hope" items, on Cafe Press.
Check it out here!
Friday, March 5, 2010
What Would You Do?
I've been a bit amiss as of late. So many things on my mind.....
I went for my semi-annual mammogram on February 18th. I went in with the understanding that I was going to have an aspiration of the "mischeivous" cells the doctors have been watching very closely for the last 3 years. Much to my surprise, they decided NOT to aspirate. I should be happy about this, right?
But, in fact, I'm not. You see, as I've shared, my mother is a breast cancer survivor. Because of our family history (it extends beyond my mother) I had to go in for a baseline mammogram when I was 30 years old. Two days later, I got the call, that I needed to go in for Stereotactic Biopsy. I had a grouping of mischeivious cells they wanted to check out. At the time, they put in a metal clip, to "mark the spot" that they need to watch. Since then, I have gone for mammograms religiously. The last 3 years, I've gone every 6 months. I now have 7 different "groupings" in my breasts that are being watched.
I went into my mammogram, ready for the aspiration, and ready to just go on to the next step, whatever it is. If you have a similar history, you know how stressful this is, going for these mammograms every 6 months, never knowing if this is going to be the day you get that dreaded diagnosis. I can't sleep for 2 weeks leading up to my mammograms. The horrific thoughts that go through my head. Only to go in and the doctor tells me, "come back in 6 months". I walked out pissed this time. Why? Because I feel like I'm being held prisoner. I feel like the fear of hearing "You have Cancer" is starting to rule me. I can't take the psychological torture every 6 months.
After an hour drive back home, I sit hubby down, and tell him that I'm going to start the process of getting approval for genetic testing. To see if I have the marker for breast cancer. If I do, I'm ready to have my breasts removed. I'm almost 40 years old, I'm tired of carrying these things around, and I'm done having babies, so I don't need them anymore. Poor hubby was horrified, stating "that's rather drastic, don't you think". The fact is, NO, I don't think. What do I need them for now? They are not what makes me a woman (as I know for many women, they do)! They are nothing but a nuisance at this point, ruling my life. I'm mad, and I'm tired of the ride.
My question is....What Would You Do?
I went for my semi-annual mammogram on February 18th. I went in with the understanding that I was going to have an aspiration of the "mischeivous" cells the doctors have been watching very closely for the last 3 years. Much to my surprise, they decided NOT to aspirate. I should be happy about this, right?
But, in fact, I'm not. You see, as I've shared, my mother is a breast cancer survivor. Because of our family history (it extends beyond my mother) I had to go in for a baseline mammogram when I was 30 years old. Two days later, I got the call, that I needed to go in for Stereotactic Biopsy. I had a grouping of mischeivious cells they wanted to check out. At the time, they put in a metal clip, to "mark the spot" that they need to watch. Since then, I have gone for mammograms religiously. The last 3 years, I've gone every 6 months. I now have 7 different "groupings" in my breasts that are being watched.
I went into my mammogram, ready for the aspiration, and ready to just go on to the next step, whatever it is. If you have a similar history, you know how stressful this is, going for these mammograms every 6 months, never knowing if this is going to be the day you get that dreaded diagnosis. I can't sleep for 2 weeks leading up to my mammograms. The horrific thoughts that go through my head. Only to go in and the doctor tells me, "come back in 6 months". I walked out pissed this time. Why? Because I feel like I'm being held prisoner. I feel like the fear of hearing "You have Cancer" is starting to rule me. I can't take the psychological torture every 6 months.
After an hour drive back home, I sit hubby down, and tell him that I'm going to start the process of getting approval for genetic testing. To see if I have the marker for breast cancer. If I do, I'm ready to have my breasts removed. I'm almost 40 years old, I'm tired of carrying these things around, and I'm done having babies, so I don't need them anymore. Poor hubby was horrified, stating "that's rather drastic, don't you think". The fact is, NO, I don't think. What do I need them for now? They are not what makes me a woman (as I know for many women, they do)! They are nothing but a nuisance at this point, ruling my life. I'm mad, and I'm tired of the ride.
My question is....What Would You Do?
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Getting In Gear
While the weather has not been very cooperative with my training efforts (snowing once a week, with another 20inches due this weekend), fundraising is well underway. I'm happy to say, with the support of my BB Knits customers, I have raised $100, towards my $2,300 goal.
We introduced 2 new colorways at BB Knits last weekend, Pink Pearl and Boobilicious! Pink Pearl is blend of 2 different pinks, at various degrees of shading, and Boobi-licious is a self striping sock yarn, in 3 different shades of pink. Boobi-licious, specifically, has been very well received. I hope you ladies wear these socks boldly, to remind your mothers, your sisters, your daughter, to get their boobies checked!
We've got some other fun fundraisers in the works too, including a Pretty in Pink cocktail party (this summer) and a Passionately Pink Pajama Party, which will be held in the fall. Although it's sad that so many women have been touched by breast cancer, it's great to see so many come together, passionately committed to find a cure!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
I Hope You Dance
As I did my first 4 mile this walk this morning, on this, my first day of training, the wind cut through me like a knife, yet, somehow left me feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever comes my way. Everything is still covered in snow, so clean, and pure. So fitting for the beginning of a new year, that is already slated to bring such change, and hope, to my family.
As I walk, I think of my mother, who is a 14 year breast cancer survivor. In 1996, when she was diagnosed, she was pissed off at the world. My mother-in-law, who we lost last May, after a close to 30 year battle with cancer (which started in her breasts), was noted to an "angry" woman as well. She never talked about here cancer. It was if she thought if she didn't talk about it, it wasn't there. As I've read, this seems to be a fairly common response to a new diagnosis. I understand.
Fourteen years later, my mother is cancer free, and has been for 12 years. Yet, she still behaves like she's pissed at the world. This saddens me. I so wish I could talk her into participating in an event like the 3-Day, as I really do think it would be life changing for her.
I look at other women that I know, who are breast cancer survivors, and have such wonderfully positive attitudes. They embrace life and live each and every moment like it's the last (meaning, they don't take one moment for granted), and they do it through smiles that could light up our entire country. I have personally been touched by so many of these women through my volunteer work with the American Cancer Society. I look at these women with such awe and admiration, and only hope that should I ever face the demon these women have faced, that I could be just 1/2 of the women that they are.
I walk for you Mom! In the hopes, that one day, you will let go of whatever it is that you are so mad at, and that you will instead, see that God has blessed you at another chance in life. You have been given the opportunity to enjoy every moment, like it's your last. You have been given the opportunity to educate other women on how important it is to be screened, and more importantly, to know you body well enough to "know" when something's wrong, even when the doctors want to minimize it.
When I got married, you gave me a CD with the song "I Hope You Dance" on it.....it's your turn to dance mother. Until you are ready to do so, I will dance for you, and for all of you women out there who have battled cancer, I dance for you too!
As I walk, I think of my mother, who is a 14 year breast cancer survivor. In 1996, when she was diagnosed, she was pissed off at the world. My mother-in-law, who we lost last May, after a close to 30 year battle with cancer (which started in her breasts), was noted to an "angry" woman as well. She never talked about here cancer. It was if she thought if she didn't talk about it, it wasn't there. As I've read, this seems to be a fairly common response to a new diagnosis. I understand.
Fourteen years later, my mother is cancer free, and has been for 12 years. Yet, she still behaves like she's pissed at the world. This saddens me. I so wish I could talk her into participating in an event like the 3-Day, as I really do think it would be life changing for her.
I look at other women that I know, who are breast cancer survivors, and have such wonderfully positive attitudes. They embrace life and live each and every moment like it's the last (meaning, they don't take one moment for granted), and they do it through smiles that could light up our entire country. I have personally been touched by so many of these women through my volunteer work with the American Cancer Society. I look at these women with such awe and admiration, and only hope that should I ever face the demon these women have faced, that I could be just 1/2 of the women that they are.
I walk for you Mom! In the hopes, that one day, you will let go of whatever it is that you are so mad at, and that you will instead, see that God has blessed you at another chance in life. You have been given the opportunity to enjoy every moment, like it's your last. You have been given the opportunity to educate other women on how important it is to be screened, and more importantly, to know you body well enough to "know" when something's wrong, even when the doctors want to minimize it.
When I got married, you gave me a CD with the song "I Hope You Dance" on it.....it's your turn to dance mother. Until you are ready to do so, I will dance for you, and for all of you women out there who have battled cancer, I dance for you too!
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